No child will ever be able to say that his/her parents understand them through and through. Of course, they are our wellwishers but the two of us have very different ideas, and thoughts. I am no way different in this case. I have a set of cliched Parents. The sole motto of my mother’s life is to make me eat, and my father has pledged to make me understand the tricks and trade of the share market.
We spend days squabbling like any other family since they clearly fail to understand my ways. My mother fails to comprehend that a pair of stressed jeans is a style statement and it does not need fixing. My father fails to understand that Druv is not my Boyfriend and is just my “Bro”. He has a puzzled expression when I use the word “Bro”. He thinks I have eaten the other half of the word.
But things got really ugly a few nights back. My mother found my lighter. Dammit! I left it on the kitchen counter after lighting her birthday candle the other night! After being lectured for half an hour about the bad effects of smoking, and another half an hour of why women should not smoke, I have had it! I yelled at them saying “I wish you were a little like me”
With that, I went to bed. I had an early meeting the next morning. Usually, when I have an early meeting I have my mom banging my room’s door. She does it every 10 minutes. This works as my alarm clock with the snooze option quite active, so I don’t set an alarm. However, nothing like that happened that morning. I woke up half an hour late.
A quick shower later I went down to the breakfast table expecting a healthy Keto breakfast. But to my surprise, the table was empty and so was the rest of the living room space. All I could see were 3 big boxes of Pizza with a half-eaten slice or two left in them. These were accompanied by empty beer bottles lying on the living room.
To my surprise, there was an almost half full ashtray sitting right in the center of the coffee table. Weird, isn’t it? My parents don’t smoke or drink. I thought to myself “maybe they had a Netflix and chill night yesterday”. Then I laughed at my joke since my parents would never understand what that is.
The clock was ticking and I was late. I rushed to the office. When a good half day had passed in office, I realized that my mother has not called me a single time. Odd. I thought. So I dialed her number to check on her. It went busy, and it went busily for the rest of the day.
When I came back home in the evening. I got the shock of my life! My mother, my typical mother had got her hair in a pixie cut and had colored it blue!!! She was dressed in a pair of jeans and was kissing another guy in the front yard!!
At first, I was shocked, then I was enraged. The guy looked like a goon! Who the hell wears jeans that tight? The man’s shirt was so tight, that the lumps of fat around his stomach and back were overflowing. Since he had his back turned towards me, I could see his face.
I ran to confront her. While they were busy frolicking like hormonal teenagers, I yanked the guy away from m mother, and to my utter horror, the man turned out to be my father!!
“Dad?” I blurted in disbelief! My dad though was taken aback came up with “Dude! You have got to chill!”
Shocked beyond repair I managed to say “what language is this? Where did you learn that?”
My mom spoke up after she recovered from her embarrassment and her ever continuing giggle “Darling, we were just kissing. That sizz. Chill out. Come inside let’s have a drink together”
I could not believe my ears, my eyes were not believing themselves. This woman, till last night thought that there can be no better drink than Tropicana fruit juice, now she has a can of BIRA in her hands!
My house was always the neatest place on Earth. But today I walked in a dumpster! There were clothes everywhere, the dustbins were overflowing. Bottles and empty packs of cigarettes were around. My mother, who by the way cannot tolerate a small thing out of place walked through this dumping yard and reached the fridge. She threw two cans of beer, one to me and one to my father, who looked like a scratched muffin in this atrocious new clothes.
Still, in shock, I managed to say “What is all this? What have you done?” I was worried they might have taken some drug off the selves or had some absinthe!
My father, after gulping his beer replied “ Nothing much bro, just Netflix and chill” he finished the sentence with a wink and continued to look at my Mother, who now started giggling, again.
I froze to the ground. These people love their T.V! My father cannot survive a day without the 6’ o clock news and my Mother, well she has to take her daily dosage of the typical trash serials to keep her neurons working! Netflix and chill and so not their scene!
While I was thinking all that to myself, my mother popped my bubble by saying “ Listen, today is Fridays night, I and your father are going to TGIF, after that will hit some party place. Don’t wait up for us. Grab something to eat and chill.” I replied with “Mom, you don’t know where TGIF is. You don’t know any party place, and I CANNOT CHILL”
Then my mom said something which shook my world. She said “There is a thing called Google maps, we will find the location of TGIF. We will find a party place too you calm your pants dude”
I wished all this to end, and it did. I woke up in cold sweat only to find my mom, wearing her regular clothes with all her hair intact and no streaks of blue highlights, vacuuming my room. I went to her and kissed her by saying Good morning. She turned to me saying “Morning babe”!!!!!!