What if Guys have Periods: A Dystopic Utopia


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Don’t you feel that God has done injustice with girls by giving them organs that bleed(literally)? While he made guys with organs, that can be best described by the expression ‘shape-shifters’? Don’t you often think, what if God had a better sense of Justice? What if he wasn’t so confident about his ‘design(s)?

Well, Let’s take a break from being real, and think what if guys had periods too?

Why ARE you so SENSITIVE???!!!!!!

If men had periods too, the most asked rhetorical question to enter the Guinness Book of World Record would be ”Why are you so sensitive?!”, another question that will miss the top spot by the difference of a hairline is ”Are you PMSing?”, while the later is supposed to be a real question, but trust us, in the real world, it is a rhetorical one. Ever a man asks you this, know that he is pretending, and is damn sure that you are indeed PMSing (even if you are not)!

It is a sad world where only men get to enjoy asking these questions, imagine a globe where women had the same opportunity! It would be a heck of delight where men would be emotional during or before aunt Flo visits them. Then we too would actually get the chance to annoy them (intentionally) with the above questions, with which they have been annoying us with since forever.

The Body is a Botheration

Won’t it be cute to fondle that little paunch of your man that he has gotten as he is ‘BLOATED’ because of his periods? Yes, that would be hella cute.

Like, come on, the only time we get to hear a guy saying ‘I’m bloated’ is after he has been acting a glutton and stuffing his mouth with the leftover pizza of last week’s party (eww, that’s not cute)!!

 

It will be your turn to ask ”which flavor would you like?” (for ice-creams, dirty mind!) as period cramps require super tasty ice creams and we would obviously take care of our men and their special needs during that time of their month! (Wow).

 

But men will be men, so, don’t be surprised if you open the door to see some boxes of pizzas floating in the air and a delivery guy buried behind the boxes. Be instantly sure that your guy had food-cravings, which is very common during periods, and so he has ordered food that can quench the appetite of a whale.

 

If you do not see your guy anywhere in the house, he is probably sobbing (because of fluctuating hormone levels), as the delivery-boy has ‘broken his promise’ to deliver the pizzas in 30 minutes and he is hurt! The only sensible thing to do would be to give the delivery guy a good tip and see him off. Then grab a box of tissues to search for your guy. You might find him teary-eyed in the toilet sitting next to a commode with three empty jars of Nutella and a spoon.

Take him in your arms and pamper him (aww). But if you are on periods too, the best thing to do is to lock him up in the toilet, and enjoy all the pizza by yourself (*demonic smirk*)!

what do guys have instead of periods

The Additional four days Leave a Month

If you are a potential criminal and soon plan to turn into an actual one by murdering your boss because that ”S** of a B**ch” has yet again denied you leave on the first day of periods. Dear fellow woman, we understand your desire to cut his throat at 90 degrees (but please don’t)! Very few countries recognize and pay heed to the eighteen-wheeler truck-load of pain that women face during their periods.

If men had periods too, that century-long wish for an additional four days off a month would actually come true!! Won’t that be a happier world?

Shittt! I Missed My PERIODS!!!

For men, hearing this sentence from their girlfriends is a real nightmare. They are instantly sent into a state of denial and miraculously every single man in those moments always look ready to sue the condom company whose product they have used. Remember Ross squeaking ”They should put that in huge block letters!” in F.R.I.E.N.D.S?

 

With men having periods, you too can have the chance of hearing your man worry about not getting his periods on time. We know it sounds sadistic, but something new is always welcomed, after all, ”variety is the spice of life”, right?!

do boys have periods

The Break of Tampon-Taboo!

Every single time you walk down the aisle of the tampon section, there would be awkward eye contacts with strangers ( the last thing you want while buying lady products), and all you want to do is grab a box of any product you can lay your hands on and run!

Imagine, if men had periods too, they would dexterously explain the details of each variety of pads and tampons that are available. They might even suggest us some fragrance of pads, (they love looking like a pro in every given subject they are okay talking about. Their actual knowledge might be zero in the field, they would still act the part! * No Offence, Just Stating a Fact*). They would do it with the same enthusiasm with which they describe car features, instead of being awkward about “lady Products”.

 

Earth: The Biggest Diaper Producing Planet

If Mars, Uranus, Neptune, Venus, and some other planets had life on it, Earth would have ranked first in the diaper production industry, as everybody on earth would need some or the other form of a diaper to soak liquids that come out of their system. Lol but think about it, aren’t pads a kind of diaper?!

Man period meme

 

Her- Baby, Wanna Netflix & Chill?

Him- I AM ON MY PERIODS!!!

Yes! You read that right. Even after decades of being scientifically proven that women are sexually active and actually ENJOY SEX, we are still typified as a bunch of lump-chested, long-haired, psychotic creatures who cannot (do not want to) have sex on some pretext or the other.  Us not wanting to have sex on our periods (due to hygiene reasons) sounds like a lame excuse to most men (ones who aren’t disgusted by blood).

Won’t it be dead interesting if we get our men to feel what it really feels like being on periods and being approached with sexual desire from the opposite gender?

 

A Better World: A Society Based on Understanding Each Other

If you have ever wondered, do guys have periods in reality? Then the answer is a clear ‘No’; they don’t. And that is one of the primary reasons; they do not understand women and find them to be some kind of mystery-box! *eye rolls*.  It is saddening, something so natural for half the world is not even remotely by the other half.

But had they been visited by the crimson monthly cycle, the world would have been a better place, as it would have been based on empathy. There wouldn’t be any taboo regarding periods or period talks.

If guys had periods too, this world would have been one step ahead in the domain of gender-equality, as menstruation is one reason women are not considered equal in spite of having the same skill. If menstruation were a common phenomenon to all, several women hailing from remote places of the world would not be discriminated against, would not face social-stigma, would not be considered inauspicious due to no fault of their own!

The world would have been a happier place, only if men too had periods.  


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