Top 15 Funny Election Quotes

We searched the web to find some hilarious funny quotes for you, and here is our selection of funny election quotes that you will find anywhere.

What is the election?

A funny time in a country, during which its citizens have a collective illusion that ‘they will get the change they are voting for’.

Faces change, but the state of the economy remains the same or gets worse in some countries (you know what we are talking about).  During election ‘’sinners blame sinners for sinning differently’’.

If you are somebody who is as tired as we are by the fake promises, here are some sayings of famous people around the world (which are followed by our expert comments) that might bring you some mirth in this bleak scenario.

  1. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.

                                                      –    Joseph Stalin

You might be disappointed to know that your vote is hardly anything more than an exercise of your hand. Because there are govt-(un) authorized people who get paid to care less about your efforts and wishes. All hail Democracy!


  1. People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.

                                                          –    Otto von Bismarck

Have you heard hunters telling stories about how they killed a tiger in the forest but had to return with only a dead goose, as a bunch of raccoons took the carcass of the tiger away? Or dictators during wars, who justify mass murders in glorious terms?

An election is similar, the self-proclaimed best-wishers of the country prints election manifestos, in which they paint golden pictures that are possible only in the parallel universe.

  1. We elected a man who knows how to build walls when we needed someone who knows how to build bridges.

                                                             –    DaShanne Stokes

Ever called the plumber to look into the electric socket? Or hired a fisherman to ride a horse-carriage? It is the same scenario here.

People, don’t think much before voting, just keep exercising the ‘right to vote’ in a blind manner.

And within a few years, you would have a person as the legislative head, who eats bricks for breakfast and shits around in the whole country while campaigning for better sanitation!

Great going people!


  1. ‘’ If you have to choose between two evils, choose the one you have never tried before.’’

                                                 – Steven Wright

Trying new things is good, it keeps the mind fresh. And as we all know- ‘’variety is the spice of life’’.

But for election, if you follow this and keep trying ‘’new evils’’ every time there is an election, you would soon be summoning devils from hell to run the country.

All the best!


  1. ‘’ Why pay money to get your family tree traced, go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.’’

                                                                  – Anonymous

Amidst all the big names that are being quoted, this anonymous quote is brilliantly witty. And we agree with him. Why pay when you can have it for free, done and declared on various media by men who (would) govern the county?

This is also one great way to make your family famous. Why pay money when you have a functional wit! *wink*


  1. “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”

                                                                           -Groucho Marx

Sounds confusing? Does it? We are as confused as you are about this confusing way. But our politicians always find a way to unsolved this quizzical path and do all the wrong things in a terrific right manner.

We often say ‘’men make mistakes’’ but in politics, it seems like, the only thing men make are mistakes (we aren’t including babies here).

  1. ‘’Well, I don’t think we should go to the Moon. I think we maybe should some politician up there’’

                                                                 – Ron Paul

Wow! Somebody has actually cracked a practical way for the earth to be a happy planet again. Also, there is another reason why we support this idea. It is because the politicians would not be able to make any living thing miserable on the moon as it does not support any form of life whatsoever.

  1. ‘’If elections really changed anything, they would be outlawed.’’

                                                                             –  Emma Goldman

We all know that change is the only constant. This philosophy is completely applicable when it comes to change in tectonic plates, global warming index, oxygen level, the hair-color of your neighbor and the number of candles on your birthday cake.

But when it comes to things like’ change in economic status’, ‘racial discrimination’ and ‘crime rates’ out sweet politicians change nothing.

Because in some cases if the crime is abolished, so would some governments be.


  1. ‘’He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career’’

– George Bernard Shaw

When you come across a toddler who pretends to know the nursery rhymes but doesn’t, that child might shine brightly one day in politics.

Or your neighbor uncle, who pretends to know all about the stock-market but lost all his money there, he could have had a great career in politics, just that he chose to make alcohol his career instead (what a loss of talent).

Actors who are great with words and bad-mouthing others do great in politics, a tad bit helping of good looks does great too in sky-rocketing a person’s political career.

Also, if you are a male (human), you have a 50% more chance over a female candidate, just because people have a weird love for the X: Y set of chromosomes who ironically call themselves feminists.

  1. Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

                                                               – Will Rogers

Well, with all due respect to communism and its ideologies, have you seen any communist explaining communism to anyone?

If you have seen then we are sure that by now you are one of the most confused souls as far as the topic of communism is concerned.

Half the communist doesn’t understand what they are following and the other half fail to make people understand their thoughts, beliefs, and actions.


  1. ‘’The most terrifying words in the English language are: I am a politician and I am here to help.’’

                                                                              – Regan Roland


When you see a criminal in the guise of a saint, don’t stop to doubt, just run and don’t look back!

If you see a thief guarding a bank, withdraw all your money from that bank immediately.

If you see a rapist escorting a girl to her home because he is ‘’worried about her safety’’, muster all your strength and kick him in the nuts, right there!

Ever any quote gets an award for the best juxtaposition of opposites in the history of human civilization, a quote that has ‘’a politician’’ and ‘’here to help’’ in the same sentence will get it.

There are things that simply do not happen, not on this planet. And it is about time that we accept it and move on with our lives.

  1. “Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”

                                -Will Rogers

This is quote is a gem. It holds a special place in this article as it holds up the crux of this entire write-up.

Indeed, all of us are so disillusioned that jokes sooth us, and political speeches and shenanigans are lame jokes at best.

  1. “Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

                                      -Ambrose Bierce

Now that you aren’t a colonized country and have gained your much precious ‘right to vote’ in the elections. Do you think that your ‘’free man’s right’’ is aiding your country?

It is a well-established fact that half of our nation know shit about the economy but is more than willing to exert their right over it in the form of Vote.

What do you think would happen, if you give a child a tool kit who knows nothing about carpentry but is interested in building a treehouse?

We’ll tell you what, your backyard will be in mess and your child could potentially hurt himself.

It is the same in the case of any country in the cases of election, when people who know nothing try their hands in building it.


  1. “Nobody would say, ‘I’m voting for this guy because he’s got the stronger chin,’ but that, in fact, is partly what happens.”

                                                — Daniel Kahneman

Didn’t you have that one teacher who was your favorite because she looked like a bombshell even though she taught next to nothing in class?

There is no denying the fact that we are all slave when it comes to bowing down to good looks.

Apply the same mindset when it comes to selecting your president and you shall have a Greek god-like looking person running the country.

Sounds nice right? Well, wait till you reach the next sentence.

Your country would soon look like a scene straight out from a war movie or a dystopic horror fiction.


  1. ‘’ The problem with a political joke is that they get elected. ‘’

                                                                         -Henry Cate

This quote is self-explanatory. Think we are kidding? Go have a look at the politicians of your country for starters, and to have a thorough knowledge, hear their speeches. A single dose of their speech might make you laugh more than all the shows in comedy central combined.


We know and value all ideologies of all human beings, this article does not intend to attack anyone personally. But there is no denying the fact that politics across the globe is not shaded in all in white. The source of this article is the grey area in the political strata which is detrimental to people and their wellbeing on various levels.

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