Flirting is an art, and if you are still single by now and intend to spend New Year’s at your parent’s house or go boozing with your friends because your life is loveless and the only calls you get at odd hours are wrong numbers or from scammers, then you surely are an artless person. Flirty Pick-up Lines
You have tried and failed miserably at getting the attention of the opposite sex or same-sex (depending on your orientation), and you suffer from TAC syndrome. What is ‘TAC’ you ask? It stands for Terrible-At-Communication syndrome. To help your TAC further, you probably have used some of the rotten pick-up lines, which caused your girlfriend to dump you and settle for that nerd with braces instead.
After using lines like ‘’you are like a candy bar n: half-sweet and half nuts’’, you have suddenly stopped hearing from your girlfriend. And if you have used something like this on your wife, then you have witnessed the horrendous sight of seeing her go red in anger and you thought that she wanted to throw a flower vase at you. But you were wrong, she wished twelve mosquitoes fly into your mouth and you swallow all of them after which she wanted to satiate her heart by throwing a chair, a truck, or a planet at you!
Just so that the coming year isn’t as lonely as the year that went by, here are some ‘don’ts’ and some ‘definitely don’ts’ just for you.
The Foodie’s pick-up Lines
If you live to eat and it’s not the other it’s the way around then your love for humans must be just an extension of your love for food, you might be guilty of saying things like-
‘’ If you were a vegetable you would be a cute-cumber.’’
‘’ Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling’’
‘’If you were a tropical fruit, you would be a Fine-apple!’’.
For God’s sake, she is a human, not a fruit salad! The next time you ever think of saying such bizarre things, stuff an apple, a banana or whatever edibles you can lay your hands on, into your mouth, and SHUT-UP! Seriously SHUT-UP!
Hot favourites of the Rejected Romeos and Jilted Juliettes
Ever wondered why your crush never comes inside 25mts radius of yours?It’s probably because you have said some of the below-mentioned pick-up lines and freaked the poor soul out.
‘’ I’m not staring at your boobs. I’m staring at your heart.’’
‘’ Is your daddy a Baker? Because you’ve got some nice buns! ‘’
‘’ Your lips look so lonely… would they like to meet mine?’’
‘’ Your body is 65% water and I’m thirsty.’’
Never in the history of mankind have these ridiculous lines worked, and trust me, nor after the glacier meltdown, zombie apocalypse, and Alien invasion will they ever work. And if you have actually uttered any of these lines, then, take an Oxford Dictionary, kneel down in front of it, and beg pardon, for putting the English language to such misuse.
Pick-up Lines that Might Get You Beaten Up (literally)
If the above lines didn’t earn you a black eye, a broken rib or a ticket to the mental asylum then the following ones surely would…
‘’ Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.’’
‘’ Did you fart, cause you blew me away.’’
If you are of an adventurous kind, then try them out! This is a real dare.
Lines of Cupid-Struck Medical Nerds or Wannabe Medical Nerds
If you have taken your subject and yourself too seriously then you have a chance of uttering something that sounds like
‘’ Please call 9-1-1, because you just made my heart stop!’’
In which case we pray that (s)he doesn’t take you literally.
You might as well sound like an organ-donor with utterances like
‘’ I am in need of a heart, because, you just stole mine’’
Or might have made your partner feel like a redundant organ instead of a human…
‘’ Are you my Appendix? I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.’’
Fortune favoured you if you said‘’ my doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U’’ and didn’t end up with a file of multivitamins and a get-well-soon card.
Lines that Attract the All Wrong Persons
Did you sob your life away thinking how on earth you always end up with absolutely wrong persons; well here are some words-
‘’I am not actually this tall, I am just sitting on my wallet’’
And if you had used this or the likes of it to woo your partner into the relationship, it had to make your heart feel like a cracked coconut at the end of the day. No use blaming them, it is YOU who is to be blamed.
Lines that Would Repel Anything that Moves Away from You
Your ‘single status’ on FB looks like a curse that you must break , but years of trying hadn’t help. Your hands probably work more than any other organ (you know what I mean!), and even the dumbest looking student in your class has a partner now… all of these has put you into a state of desperation, well I feel you. But here is a guide to what you must not say. Never.
‘’There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.’’
‘’You look so familiar to me, have we met before’’
‘’Do you know which is my favourite material? Girlfriend/boyfriend material, you seem to be made up of it’’
These lines are super clichéd, the person you intend it for, has heard it like 16578 times, and you don’t want to be the 16579th one. Or do you?
Pick-up Lines of the Not-so-socially-smooth ones
The social situation strikes terror in your heart, you were fine being away from the human society and your aim in life was to develop a software which would render human communication unnecessary, and should you fail at it, your backup plan was to live a life of solitude in the lap of the Himalayas. But fate had it written and you got smitten by a beauty, which never seems to leave your mind. Hold on right there; keep it to your mind only, because if ‘the department of daily communication’ were a real legal body, then head of the department would stop the earth for a second just to throw you out!
You are at real risk of committing terrible blunders that would reveal the weirdo that you are when you say utterances like-
‘’Call me Shrek because I’m head ogre heels for you!’’ – Not a pretty way to say things mate, accompanied by a terribly inappropriate pun to make it awkward.
‘’You know I’d like to invite you over, but I’m afraid you’re so hot that you’ll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.’’ – if your partner is still miraculously interested in you after hearing this, (s)he would probably hand you a dollar bill, thinking you to be some kind of poor, soon-to-be- homeless person.
Our advice to you would be, re-read this article seven more times before you think of making any kind of move.
Pick-up Lines that Actually Might Help
Winning the heart of a person whom you truly love shouldn’t be that difficult and is definitely not a subject to what pick-up lines you use to express your feelings (provided they are none of the above ones. I repeat none!). If you absolutely want to use pick-up lines to sound cheesy and think that they would express your feelings better then here are some decent ones that might help you.
‘’ Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favourite.’’ (One request-never dedicate this to a guy.)
‘’ Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.’’
‘’I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.’’
‘’There is only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.’’
‘’If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?’’
These lines are time-tested; they are like vintage wine, getting better with each rotation of the wheel of time. With each passing year when love is getting rare and lust is all that is seen in the eyes of the cupid-struck masses, if you say and mean any of the above lines from the core of your heart, trust me they would work wonders and your love-story would have a beginning only found in the fairy tales.
Read more: the ‘Worst Joke of the Century’ Award Goes to –‘’SEE YOU NEXT YEAR JOKES’